I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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