My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize