She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
