My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
