I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize