I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
