I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
