I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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