Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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