Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
