Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
