When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
