Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
