it hurts more in the daytime
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
