The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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