I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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