i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
