did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
