I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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