as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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