i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
