yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
