y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
