I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
