she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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