I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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