What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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