Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
