I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
