my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
