im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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