I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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