i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
