Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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