So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
