She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
