seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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