you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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