At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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