I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
