so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
