Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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