Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
