It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
