okay pat passed out under dana's car
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
