No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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