Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
