you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
