I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I FOUND THE LEGS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
