I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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