my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
