She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
