Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
