im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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