I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
