I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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