i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
