that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
