why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
