Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Two words: blizzard sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
