She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
