My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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