You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
