What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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