so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
