I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
