Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
